"But if you're blocking me,
I will soon defeat you
I will build a bridge above you or I'll tunnel underneath you."
"If I need to I'll go through you and absorb your fucking powers"
So today has been how any other day is, extremely uneventful and included me feeling like garbage.
It seems like whenever I'm actually trying to improve on myself and my life everyone else decides to act horrible and give me even more stress to want to cry over.
Like, wow, rude guys. Real rude.
I'm trying! I'm trying so so so hard! I want to get better but when everyone around you is adding to your sadness and stress how are you supposed to ignore that, or get past that, or just brush it off like it's nothing?
I'm not an idiot, and I know the people who I considered to be close to me are not what they played out to be, and I'm trying to put that conflict on the back-burner while I try and figure out my life and my own family issues, because damn, that in itself holds a lot of issues. And my family is surely not helping, I get that people get angry and upset (though sometimes for extremely stupid reasons..) but why can't they at least get on the same schedule of self pity and shitty attitudes so I don't have to be around people who act like that EVERYDAY OF THE WEEK!
Ugh. I also don't think people understand the concept of me not being their therapist. I'm not an adult and I don't have a degree in how to help people through their shit. Hell, I can't even help myself half the time! I try to be supportive and give good advice to the people who come to me to vent and talk about their problems, because I would want the same and I've been dubbed their "only constant" in their lifewhich I do not want to be AT ALL, and it's not like I get thanks for it, and in the end they don't even do the same for me?
I spend hours talking them through stuff and I want to help but I constantly feel like I'm not getting that same level of care out of them, if i'm gonna talk about my problems like how they do, I know i'm not gonna get anything in return to make me feel better, and if anything I feel worse. At this point I've stopped talking about my own problems, if they even remember to ask me how I've been I just give the fake as hell reply of "i'm fine" "good good"
Now I'm pretty sure they're ignoring me at this point, and as much as I want to distance myself from them, I'm actually kind of pissed off? Because it's like they're making me out to be the bad person and trying to guilt trip me.
Ugh.
Idk.
If it isn't them it's something else. I just want to be able to help myself without everything and everyone constantly putting me down, that shouldn't be such a hard thing to manage!
For now I'm going to try and just do my work, tomorrow I have an exam and I'm praying my family doesn't act up like they did the last time I took an exam, because I'm pretty sure I totally botched that one because they ended up f*cking me over and I almost had a nervous breakdown an hour into taking it... Yippee.
Also, one song that is sort of helping me right now is "Moral of the story" by Watsky, Definitely helps to pump me up when I have this much stuff to deal with.
It seems like whenever I'm actually trying to improve on myself and my life everyone else decides to act horrible and give me even more stress to want to cry over.
Like, wow, rude guys. Real rude.
I'm trying! I'm trying so so so hard! I want to get better but when everyone around you is adding to your sadness and stress how are you supposed to ignore that, or get past that, or just brush it off like it's nothing?
I'm not an idiot, and I know the people who I considered to be close to me are not what they played out to be, and I'm trying to put that conflict on the back-burner while I try and figure out my life and my own family issues, because damn, that in itself holds a lot of issues. And my family is surely not helping, I get that people get angry and upset (though sometimes for extremely stupid reasons..) but why can't they at least get on the same schedule of self pity and shitty attitudes so I don't have to be around people who act like that EVERYDAY OF THE WEEK!
Ugh. I also don't think people understand the concept of me not being their therapist. I'm not an adult and I don't have a degree in how to help people through their shit. Hell, I can't even help myself half the time! I try to be supportive and give good advice to the people who come to me to vent and talk about their problems, because I would want the same and I've been dubbed their "only constant" in their life
I spend hours talking them through stuff and I want to help but I constantly feel like I'm not getting that same level of care out of them, if i'm gonna talk about my problems like how they do, I know i'm not gonna get anything in return to make me feel better, and if anything I feel worse. At this point I've stopped talking about my own problems, if they even remember to ask me how I've been I just give the fake as hell reply of "i'm fine" "good good"
Now I'm pretty sure they're ignoring me at this point, and as much as I want to distance myself from them, I'm actually kind of pissed off? Because it's like they're making me out to be the bad person and trying to guilt trip me.
Ugh.
Idk.
If it isn't them it's something else. I just want to be able to help myself without everything and everyone constantly putting me down, that shouldn't be such a hard thing to manage!
For now I'm going to try and just do my work, tomorrow I have an exam and I'm praying my family doesn't act up like they did the last time I took an exam, because I'm pretty sure I totally botched that one because they ended up f*cking me over and I almost had a nervous breakdown an hour into taking it... Yippee.
Also, one song that is sort of helping me right now is "Moral of the story" by Watsky, Definitely helps to pump me up when I have this much stuff to deal with.
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